Michael Gove - A Cheeky Little Plucker

Everything on this blog is entirely true. Every bit. Oh yes.

But if anyone still has lingering doubts about the evidence for this bona fide KTEL classic, it's all here. Along with rather more information about our very silly Secretary of State for Education than could ever be strictly necessary...

Not the "Grammar Nazis". They're a different department.

Grand Theft Auto 5 - Tayside Edition

Ah yes, the incomparable joys of Dundee, the gleaming jewel of Tayside that a few years back gave £73,000 to a bunch of marketing consultants to change a slogan from "City of Discovery" to "One City, Many Discoveries".

Not at all a waste of £72,993.69, then.

Still, have to admit it was nice to see people queuing to get something from the "One City" that wasn't jam, chemotherapy, or a "peh".

(oh, and thanks to the folk at gta5hack.com for the handy GTA5 font)

Pliny the Elder's Book of Impractical Felines

With many apologies for the probably terrible Latin translation of "Can I Has Cheeseburger?".

A Short Course in Scottish Presbyterian Optimism, chapter 1

Historian, essayist & one-man-comedy-festival supreme, Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) genuinely regarded himself as a cheery, optimistic fellow. By our Scottish standards, anyway.

In praise of David Cameron

In the light of recent global events, the Maelstrom feels it must applaud prime minister David Cameron's public display of extreme personal fortitude, single-headedly attempting to restore Britain's once-great reputation in the international comb-over community. National pride in this most traditionally comedic of hairstyles has been slipping steadily since the 1960s, with slowly-balding men opting increasingly to have their heads shaved in the forlorn hope that it might make them a tiny bit like Bruce Willis,Samuel L. Jackson, or Sigourney Weaver in Alien 3.

To borrow from that least estimable of cat-impersonating baldness-deniers, George Galloway:

Mr Cameron, we salute your courage, your hairspray's strength, your in-de-fat-wig-ability.

Next: "Now anything's possible for the uninteresting" - The Maelstrom recognises Ed Miliband's contribution as a role model for the charismatically-challenged.